Flops, Streets and Rivers in Mortaritaville

    Back in the day, way back in the day, it was not uncommon for a card player or cowboy looking for a poker game to sit down at a card table where everyone playing happened to be armed.  A couple of Remington Model 1890’s here, a few .44 Caliber “Peacemakers” there, maybe a Spencer Repeating Rifle leaning up against the wall, to say nothing of a Bowie knife or two hanging from the hip, that kind of thing.  In this day and age, however, I suspect, card players would not feel so comfortable sitting at a table surrounded by so much firepower.

     Welcome to “JBB” --- Joint Base Balad, Iraq, or “Mortaritaville” as it was dubbed a couple years ago due to the frequency in which said mortars happen to fall.  Here almost everyone is armed … to the teeth.  Here a card player can expect to sit down at a table and encounter 9mm handguns, semi-automatic M-16 rifles, a fully automatic M249 machine gun or two and perhaps the occasional 40mm grenade launcher.  While these are not usually loaded, rest assured the ammunition is either on the Soldier’s person --- like that full shell belt strapped to the butt of the 12 gauge Combat Shotgun slung across the back of the Big Blind over on table 13 --- or is very close at hand.  These are the tools of our trade. We’ve been trained to use them, and are required to have them with us always. 

Still interested in playing?

     Ok, relax. It’s not as bad as all that.  The players are mostly military folks, ages 20 and up, of all branches and ranks, with the occasional civilian military contractor tossed in as their respective schedules allow.  Players are courteous and polite, as military courtesy must be maintained at all times.  Individuals are addressed by rank, Officers and civilians being addressed in the customary “Sir” or “Ma’am”; sergeants, specialists and privates are addressed accordingly. There are rarely “table antics” like those seen on television --- no loud, raucous players, no taunting opponents with “you can’t beat me” or the like.  Just like-minded people brought together by a common interest and some precious free time to spare.  The tables are normally very quiet and the murmur of polite conversation is the norm.   The ability of the players ranges from the first time player to the well rounded, seasoned player.  Never dealt a hand of Texas Hold-em?  No worries, have a seat, we’ll walk you through it.  

All are welcome, none are turned away. 

     Texas Hold-em tournaments are held at the military Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) facilities. The MWR facilities are large buildings where a number of amenities are available for Soldier use.  There are telephones for calling home, computers with web cameras, paperback book libraries, pool and ping pong tables and the like.  Some of the larger MWRs even have rooms set aside for movie viewing.  What the MWR facility has that makes it best suited for the Texas Hold-em tournaments are tables, chairs and space.  The tables are not what you’d find in any casino or card room.  No smooth green felt with cup holders and padded edges.  No, what we use here are the rectangular or round folding type you used to sit at for lunch in junior high.  The chairs are the same with the occasional; one leg slightly bent hasn’t folded correctly in years, metal folding chair.  The cards are mostly donated casino decks with the “hole” in them and are all well worn.   One of the nicer things however is the chips.  We don’t have to deal with the feather light, single color, plastic molded, 5000 for a dollar poker chip.  We play with old Landmark Casino chips.  I asked around in an effort to find out who in the MWR system had the vision to purchase real casino chips. I was unable to get the specific name of the individual.  If by some chance he or she happens to be reading this … Nice work!

  Here in “Mortaritaville” there are currently seven MWR organized events available throughout the week, beginning at various times of the day.   These tournaments usually seat anywhere from the low 60’s to well over 160+ players at tables of eight. The game is player-dealt with two decks.  Starting chip count is normally 3,000.  Typical blind structure starts at 25-50 and increases every 20 minutes for the first hour, and then every 15 minutes until the end.  Tournaments will normally take 3 or so hours to finish.   For the most part “Bragging Rights” are all that is normally at stake in these tournaments.  The United States Military has, for very good reasons, strict rules and regulations against gambling of any kind.  That said, pull up a chair, grab your chips and get ready for some fun!

     This first example of what you can expect when playing here at JBB occurred at a Monday 8:30pm (20:30 military time) tournament.  We’ve just had our first “all in” moment at the table.  Still being early, the blinds are only 50-100. Player 3 is sitting with a modest stack.  Player 7 has and is currently table leader.  No raises pre-flop, just calls all around --- a family pot.  The Flop reveals 10♦-7♥-3♦. The table checks around until Player 7 raises 800. Players 8, 1 and 2 don’t want any part of this and fold. Player 3 doesn’t even hesitate a second and pushes “all in” with about 2300.  Players 4, 5 and 6 just fold. Seeing nothing that should be a problem for him, Player 7 calls the “all-in” bet. The turn reveals a J♦ and Player 3 doesn’t even bat an eye.  The river is a 5♦. Player 7 shows his A♠-A♥.   Player 3 smiles real big and turns over his hole cards --- 7♣-4♦. One of the other players says casually “Hey, look at that, a flush!” Player 7 can only sit and shake his head as Player 3 happily pulls and stacks up his chips.  I asked Player 3 why in the world he would make that move with what are so commonly regarded as such bad cards.  He told me, enthusiastically I might add, that, “I’ll go ‘all in’ with that hand every time! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a 7 or a 4 turned over on a flop!  I love that hand!”  When I pointed out that it was a river flush that won it for him his reply was “Bonus!” 

 Yeah.  This kind of thing is common. 

     Another example of how quickly things can go south happened to me at a Friday 8:30pm (2030) tournament.  After the second break, I moved to a new table.  Sitting down, one of the regulars gave me a funny look and then glanced at a Soldier I had not seen before.  I’ll call this guy “First Timer”. First Timer was sitting pretty good chip wise at around third largest stack at the table.  I was not the short stack, but would be soon if something didn’t happen soon.  So, a couple rounds later, I find myself holding K♠-Q♦ in late position. The blinds are 300-600. I call the Big Blind (First Timer) and the Small folds, leaving just First Timer and a middle position player and me.  Flop comes A♥-J♣-10♦.  Cool,  I’ve just flopped a straight.  I have about 4,800 in chips.  First Timer checks, middle position checks, I raise 600.  First Timer calls, middle position folds. OK! Head to head!  The turn is a 3♥.  First Timer checks (It’s important for me to note here that not once since I sat down at this table, had I witnessed First Timer ever initiate a bet of any kind.  He only checked or called the entire time I was at the table. I just wish I had realized this at this point in the hand, thus saving myself from the oncoming self- inflicted train wreck.) So, I bet 1,200, First Timer calls.  The river is a 3♠.  First Timer checks, I get greedy and push in the rest of my chips.  First Timer calls and I show my straight.  First Timer then flips over his cards to reveal a 10♦-3♣.  My flopped straight has been smashed by a full house. The regular player mentions, as I’m getting up from the table, that “First Timer has been doing that to people all night” Ugh.  Oh, well, no matter. The next tournament is only a couple days away.

     Encountering players like “First Timer” makes for some interesting hands and sometimes some very large pots.  These folks make getting to the final table a bit harder but all the more satisfying.  I’ve run into several strong, aggressive players who have said flat out that, because of the strange unorthodox strategies of some of the players encountered here, they are more likely to play A-K, A-Q, A-J, A-10 suited or unsuited aggressively, but will muck high pairs post flop if they don’t hit because they are broken so often by rag/rag on the way to the river.  It’s not uncommon for flopped straights to bet 4 times the pot only to get called and clobbered by suited rags catching a flush on the river. To say that loose cannons and completely off-kilter playing styles abound here would be putting it mildly.  

     And talk about tells! A large number of the younger, inexperienced or first time players have painfully visible “tells”.  Some of the younger, inexperienced or first time players are so full of indicators you’d expect that at any moment they are going to twitch, scratch, blink, whistle, finger drum, giggle, frown or leg shake themselves, and the poor guy next to them, right off their chairs.  That’s one side of the spectrum.  The players on the other side are just as easy to spot.  No “tells”.  I know, I know … everyone has a “tell”.  I’m sure these players have one, but you’d probably have a better chance of picking up on the “tell” of a potted plant. Watching these players is like watching a rock in a Zen garden. Watch all you want … the rock’s not giving anything useful away anytime soon.  Who are these guys? These are the Soldiers whose mission is the Dismounted (on foot) Patrol, the Personnel Security teams or the Soldiers tasked with providing Convoy Security. These are the Soldiers who, on a daily basis, put on their gear, lock and load their weapons, get in their vehicles and go outside the wire to do their jobs.  These are the Soldiers tasked with working in an environment where being shot at or blown up can happen at any time. If you think pocket Aces or a missed Flush is going to affect these guys so much they let it show?  Think again.  Having one of these players at your table is like sitting across from crystal clear glacial ice.  The only thing that’s worse than having one of these players at the table is …  Yeah, you know it, having two of these players at the table. 

     But, whether we’re sitting with First Timer or Glacial Ice, the reality of it is this: we get to play tournament style Hold-em in a war zone while meeting some very interesting people. By the time we rotate out when our tour is done, we’ll have played what amounts to thousands of hands and hopefully improved our game for free.  Other than the war zone thing it’s not such a “bad beat”.

    Prizes (when there are prizes) are obtained by Soldiers (or family members, thanks Dad) who go out of their way to write to poker enterprises asking for donations.  Some of the donations, while not poker related, are very thoughtful, such as the large box full of nail care products for the female Soldiers sent by Ms. Pauline Costick of the Mohegan Sun that got used faster than butter at an all you can eat lobster boil!  Ms. Costice also included dozens of hats and shirts, as did Mr. Bob Ciaffone who graciously sent a number of his poker related books.   These were handed out to a final table of 10 back in October '08 and have been getting passed hand-to-hand around the not-so-small poker playing community here quite nicely since. And a special thanks, as well, to Mr. Jeff Manday at Canterbury Park Poker Room for the great hats and shirts, and to Mr. Jody Ivener at Card Player Magazine for all his great support.

     Some of the players here have aspirations of putting together some money and going to Las Vegas to give one of the large World Poker Tour satellite tournaments a go. Who knows, maybe I’ll see one of them on television someday with a huge grin on their face, hands in the air and a grossly large pile of prize money stacked in front of them. That would make for a very nice “back in the day” moment (yeah, even if it happens to be First Timer).  The bottom line is that most of us are just working to get through the rest of our tour here. We wait, with great anticipation, for the day we return safely home to those we love.  To everyone “in theater” I wish a safe, uneventful tour and a quick joyous return home.

To all of those Soldiers who wake up every day and go do their jobs with complete understanding of what the day might bring, Thank you.

May your pots be huge and your pockets, Monsters! 

By SSG E.W. Brown
23 Feb., 2009